This morning I got up and felt like a new person. I did not feel sad or depressed, but I was looking forward to getting on with my life. For the first time, I got decent sleep. It feels like a large weight has been taken off my shoulders.
Last night I only realised how life in itself is a learning experience that everyone goes through. I am glad I came online. After talking to some people, I felt like I got to know them better and developed a newfound understanding and respect for them. They know who they are. It is in situations like these that you are able to appreciate people for who they really are.
My number one discovery. I have come to realise that I derive my self-worth from others. It is this that has caused the insecurities in my life.
I am vain. I think I have standards to live up to for others. I have a particular image to uphold.
I should say what I feel needs saying, and not what I should be saying. I should do what I want to do, and not what others expect me to do.
I need to take control of what I want for myself, and not be dictated by what people think. I need to develop my own opinions and not follow the flock.
I realise that I need to have a more positive outlook on life. I need to flip the coin back. I need to rediscover that every sadness has its happy side.
Most importantly, I should not worry because I am a burden on others, but be glad that they are here to help carry my burdens with me.
I've seen sides of people I never knew. To me, that has been the most rewarding.
But I can't treat this as though all my problems are over. My journey continues. At least now I can try and put a more positive spin on life, and not sound like I'm wallowing in the depths of the ocean.
I feel I should be happy with myself and anything else on top is a bonus.
We'll see how this newfound thinking will go. See if you guys can pick up a new me when you see me next...
benny | Tuesday, May 16, 2006 
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benny
Sure is Fai, glad that you were there to implant some positivity, or rationality back into my brain.
And I'll remember the borrowing money for next time... haha. You just watch out =P