I think I am starting to scare my rational good self. My irrational evil self, is getting more and more powerful, and is capable of more harm than what I had ever expected. And the one thing that scares me most is how I am beginning to lose the ability to control myself anymore. So, the pendulum continues to swing faster and more erratically.
I actually will not be surprised if one day I just jumped out of the building out of the blue and then halfway down regret actually doing it. By then, it will be too late. Evil Benji would have won.
I mean tonight, I thought that walking to Brighton without a scarf, umbrella or thick jacket was something I had to do. And, I did it. I deliberately wanted to make myself sick, again. I don't know why.
It's like I live in 2 frames of minds these days, and that scares me. Quite a schizophrenic scenario. How long will I be in each respective one?
And when will evil Benji leave me, or will it have to kill the good Benny first?
benny | Sunday, June 04, 2006 
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