I thought I might take some time off work to advise everybody about lift etiquette.
Please always pay attention at what button you press.
This means, please do not press 9 when you are meant to press 10. Worse still, please do not ring the alarm when you are supposed to press "door open". 2 seconds is enough time for a woman to immediately come on over the speaker. It should also be sufficient time for you to realise that the alarm is ringing because you've pressed the wrong button.
Please do not hog the lift.
This means do not place yourself in the precarious situation of being half way in the lift and half way out. Make sure not to look down into the gap beneath you. You may as well be sucked in in as those inside the lift lose their patience over your exuberant selfishness.
Please do not chatter loudly in the lift.
Hearing a whining voice within a lift is more annoying than you would think. Frankly, I'm not interested that you got new boots yesterday at Myer or that you hate your boss so much that you are thinking of ways to kill him.
Please control your bags.
This means don't turn around and swing your backpack only to have it collide into people's face. Glasses can be broken this way, and a sorry is simply not enough to make Benny a happy boy. This applies for handbags and shopping bags as well, which are more dangerous to other parts of the body.
Please avoid jumping.
Jumping on lifts, taken from Ethan's book of "fun things to do" tests not only the strength of ageing lift cables but the strength of human fear. To be avoided at all times.
Please do not look at yourself non-stop in the mirror.
We know you look ugly, but you don't need 30 seconds in a lift to find that out, do you? Especially not in front of other people. Leave the vanity for your own house, work toilets or the reflective glass outside shops.
Please do not press the button a million times.
We know you're in a hurry, so are we. A psychotic button-presser is the last thing I'd like to see leaving the office. Chill. The lift will not go any faster button bashing. What you may in fact do is stuff up the button. A lift is not a video game. There are no winners and losers as such, although most would think of you as a loser.
jenfa
benny
Post a Comment [10 comments]
chill out man, you sound a bit stressed.
anyway, can't be as bad as here, where quite often ppl don't even wait for you to exit the lift before entering
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Friday, July 07, 2006 8:48:00 pm
But jumpin in lifts IS fun =) lol
Why are you sayin that I'm fat?
*gasps* lol
I may eat like a pig, but I certainly don't weigh like one haha =p
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Friday, July 07, 2006 9:54:00 pm
haha, you should try the unsw lifts which apparently have no sensor and close when ur walking THROUGH them >.< argh. Not to mention the fact that it makes strange zapping noises and occasionally enjoys to open and close 10 times before actually going up or down. Apparently also the buttons are heat sensitive thus not so kindly to those who suffer from frozen fingers in winter. hehe, its a favourite bitching topic around the law building.
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Friday, July 07, 2006 11:52:00 pm
i see you didn't study physics in yr12.. or at the very least you didn't have a teacher who actually told you to go jump in a lift .. =DDDDDDDDDD (same teacher also alluded ice skating to "skating in your own private puddle"....o.O)
but hmm the act IS banned in certain lifts..
anyway. at least next time i'll invite u to jump too? =DD glass lifts are particularly cool. like the market city ones. but then ppl can sorta see u from the outside... =/
and all your other issues (except the bag one) should be solved if you close your eyes and turn ur mp3 player up loud. yes the world is a better place with more hkpop (or whatever other music ur listening to ^.-)
jenfa |
Saturday, July 08, 2006 12:01:00 am
lol, this post is the funniest one you've had for a while. Penalty $1, haha. That's like the UTS Bld 2 lifts that say "No Smoking. Penalty $20" =.=;.
Hmm well I start work on Monday. I'll report back on any lift stories if I have any :p
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Saturday, July 08, 2006 3:38:00 am
You forgot to talk about gum. How people constantly chew gum like their jaws are a pair of tongs and the sound. And the gum on the buttons.
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Sunday, July 09, 2006 2:42:00 am
Going express from level 48 to ground level in like 10 seconds keeps blocking my ears and making me feel weird, lol. Gonna take some getting used to :P
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006 9:50:00 pm
Hey since you made those Acts cos of me lol append s5 for me will ya to apply to games as well? =)
*tee hee hee*
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006 10:26:00 pm
lol. All these different reponses on lifts... I'm sure you all now know the nuances of riding in lifts.
No, Ethan, no ammending s5. Unbelievable... I can't believe I enacted that Act coz of you. You bastard.
And riding up 48 levels in a tower block I've never done before. I've done 35 in HK and that was ear popping stuff =P
benny |
Thursday, July 13, 2006 10:50:00 pm
ahahaha this is soooo hilarious! very true though... comes with experience in the office aye!
I got another one to add on - if ur a guy u should let the girls out first - ladies first!! muahaha ^^